How to Have an Amicable Divorce in 12 Steps?

There is a myriad of reasons why couples decide to end their marriage. While some cannot help but remain on hostile terms, others work towards getting along and avoid turning their divorce into an endless, devastating process.

How to leave all the resentment behind, get a quiet divorce, and even remain friends afterward? In this article, we have gathered the best tips on how to find common ground with your soon-to-be ex-spouse and to divorce amicably.

Step 1: Commit to an Amicable Divorce

This one may seem obvious, but in fact, setting the mood is the first thing you should take care of before starting one of the most stressful processes in your life. The truth is that even if your divorce won’t be long and tough, it’s not a pleasant event anyway since you will need to do a lot of paperwork, visit the courthouse several times, face some financial losses, etc.

To have a good divorce, you need to understand that even if you decide to part ways with your spouse, you are not enemies and can work together as a team. With such an attitude, you will go through all the struggles much easier.

Step 2: Communicate Openly and Honestly

If you really want to have a peaceful divorce, you must forget about playing games and manipulating. Even if open communication was not a rule in your marriage, it’s never too late to adopt it.

Remaining honest and straightforward when it comes to discussing the conditions of your divorce is especially important. If you and your spouse think about creating a marital settlement agreement, you must be clear about your wishes.

If you think you deserve a bigger share of your assets or want more parenting time, you need to talk to your spouse directly and explain your motivations. You may be surprised how many issues transparent communication can help to resolve and avoid.

Step 3: Put Your Children First

Getting an amicable divorce with a child is even more important than seeking it when you don’t have kids. Your children love both you and your spouse; seeing you in constant conflict hurts their feelings. So, whenever you find it hard to get along, remember that the well-being of your little ones should be put in the first place.

Moreover, being on friendly terms is vital for harmonious co-parenting. You will need to meet your spouse regularly, and a hostile attitude towards each other will hardly foster the harmonious development of your kids.

Step 4: Separate Your Emotions from the Legal Process

No one denies your right to feel all the spectrum of emotions towards your spouse and your divorce. However, to end your marriage amicably, you must make all decisions cold-headedly.

How can you reach such peace of mind and control your negative emotions? First of all, you need to emotionally prepare for divorce. You need to realize that it’s a hard, nervous, and sometimes costly process you have to go through in any case.

If you want to remain on good terms with your spouse, you should show patience and understanding to them and, of course, expect the same from them. Only this way can you have a peaceful divorce.

Step 5: Be Willing to Compromise

If you don’t want to fight with your spouse and have an overall stress-free divorce process, you need to compromise. If amenability is not your forte, you should learn to be cooperative and flexible when going through a divorce.

This trait is especially important when it comes to setting the terms of the marital settlement agreement. After all, you cannot get everything even if you think you deserve it.

Step 6: Consider Talking to a Divorce Lawyer

Sometimes, to seek peaceful divorce solutions, you need to get some outside assistance. If you feel that it’s not so easy to get along with your spouse and are afraid to worsen the situation, you can always choose to work with a divorce lawyer.

An experienced professional can give really valuable advice on how to behave and what to avoid when dealing with your spouse and help you through all the steps of your divorce.

In case you cannot afford attorney’s services, you can always go through mediation with your spouse. A divorce mediator will consult you and advise you on making a settlement agreement that satisfies all the parties.

Step 7: Hire a Therapist or Divorce Coach

Very often, to have an amicable divorce process, one or both parties must learn to forgive and forget. If you believe that it is your case and that your resentment does not let you get along with your spouse, you should definitely consider working with a therapist.

After all, there is nothing shameful about being vulnerable, hurt, and requiring assistance. Your therapist will help you not to suppress your negative emotions and teach you some healthy ways of expressing your feelings. Finally, you will have enough time to discuss and overcome the reasons that led to your divorce.

If you feel that you are not ready to open your soul to another person, you can hire a divorce coach, a certified professional who helps spouses go through divorce by giving valuable advice and sometimes even assisting through mediation.

Step 8: Be Transparent about Finances

The bad news is that a divorce is barely a cheap process. The good news is that all the court fees can be split between you and your spouse or even covered by one of you if you manage to agree on it. Moreover, if the spouses’ financial situations differ, they can always agree on alimony payments.

Again, it’s all about transparency in communication. If you realize that your financial well-being will deteriorate after your divorce, share your fears with the other party. Oftentimes, one of the spouses sacrifices their career and personal growth by caring about their family or focusing on the other party’s work opportunities.

When the marriage ends, they find themselves in quite a bad situation with no job, savings, or career prospects. So, if financial issues trouble you the most, do not hesitate to discuss them with your spouse. If you manage to stay on friendly terms, they will be happy to support you.

Step 9: Create a Parenting Plan Together

A parenting plan is an important part of an amicable divorce agreement and a great opportunity for you and your spouse to get along and create the best conditions for your children.

In this plan, spouses usually agree on child custody, divide financial obligations, determine how much time the kid will spend in each parent’s household, decide how they will resolve possible disputes, etc.

These simple rules will help you create the best parenting plan beneficial for everyone involved:

• Focus on your children’s needs and interests. Some of them may not sit right with you, but ultimately, your kids’ happiness and well-being matter the most.
• Choose the schedule that works for both of you. For example, if your spouse has quite specific working hours, it is best to arrange the plan to their schedule to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings in the future.
• Listen to your partner’s opinion. Of course, each parent thinks they know for sure what their children need, but you have to remember that your spouse is a loving and caring parent, too.

Step 10: Maintain Respect in Communication

If you want an amicable marriage dissolution, your communication must be based on respect, patience, and understanding. Without mutual respect, a friendly divorce will not be possible.

Of course, it may be difficult to stay calm and completely tolerant towards the other party during these hard times, but you need to understand that this process is challenging for both of you.

Step 11: Seek for Support from Your Friends and Family

Undoubtedly, this may be the most stressful period of your life, so getting support from people you love is a must. Therefore, whenever you feel angry, desperate, or resented, reach out to someone who will listen to you and understand your pain.

It is also important not to shut off from the outer world, so communicate with your family, friends, and colleagues as often as possible. Being around the people you like will definitely make you feel better.

Step 12: Focus on the Future

You may feel like the whole world is collapsing, and it’s understandable. You used to live together as a family, sharing all the joys and sorrows, and now it’s all gone. But eventually, you will realize that all the events in your life happened for a reason. Your love story is over, but it does not mean you won’t have your happy ending.

Instead of holding grudges against your spouse, focus on your future and opportunities to create a life you have always wanted. Even if it’s hard to imagine now, remember that every cloud has a silver lining!